


quiet

by softambrollins



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Fix-It, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 10:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: The world is too loud.Seth watches Dean's WWE Chronicle episode after Survivor Series and drives to Vegas to see him.





	quiet

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on Dean's Chronicle episode, and basically ignores everything that happened on RAW this week. Because I love myself and they deserve better.

Seth doesn't even think before getting in the car. He doesn't think about the match at TLC they're supposed to be having in four weeks, he doesn't think about how he has to be at RAW in less than twenty-four hours, he just — he needs to _get_ to him. _Now._

He turns up at Dean's front door some time after midnight.

When Dean opens it and sees him there, he just stares. Looking actually shocked and taken aback.

"Seth?" he asks after a minute passes, eyes narrowed, like he's unsure whether or not he's imagining this right now. "What the hell's going on?"

He doesn't look angry or anything, more like he's genuinely wondering if something really bad has happened, something that couldn't wait, something he had to come all the way out here to tell him face-to-face. His reaction isn't too surprising, considering the current state of their relationship. 

Fuck, maybe he should've called first. Only Dean doesn't answer his calls anymore.

"I watched it," Seth breathes out. "I didn't want to before, I just wanted to focus on Shinsuke today, and I knew I wouldn't be able to if I — but I watched it, I saw it, all of it — and I can't believe — I can't _believe_ —"

Seth's trembling now, and it has nothing to do with the cold night air out in the desert.

Dean just regards him, an unreadable expression on his face. He had to know that this was coming at some point. "Well, if you watched it, then you have all the answers you need."

"Are you serious?" Seth says, eyes wide with disbelief and outrage. "That's all you're going to give me? Still? I was _right there_ , the whole fucking time, and I didn't see it. How did I not _see_ it? And then you made me think it was all my fault —"

"Yeah, because everything's always about _you_ , right —" Dean cuts in, but it's a weak retort at best. He has to know he can't keep this up forever.

" _Fuck you_ , Dean," Seth spits out, and he's seeing red, his eyes already burning with furious tears. "You _made_ it about me. I was there, with you, and you didn't tell me a goddamn thing. Not until you needed someone to be your punching bag. And I _let_ you. And then you wouldn't even look me in the face afterwards." Seth lets out a mirthless laugh, shaking his head.

Dean can't look him in the face right now.

"The fuck are you doing here then, Seth?" he asks quietly, all the fight gone out of him.

Seth looks him right in the eye, makes Dean meet his gaze. "I'm not going anywhere," he tells him firmly. "Not until you talk to me. Not until you let me try to help you."

"This isn't on you, Seth," Dean tells him, like he thinks he's absolving him of some kind of responsibility. "You should just fucking go. Forget about it."

"Nah, it's not going to be that easy. You may be a fucking asshole who tries to push away anyone who cares about you, but that's not me anymore," Seth says, almost apologetically.

Dean just lets out a sigh, and lets him in the house.

*

Seth just sits next to Dean on the couch, and it's so, so quiet, except for the ticking of a clock somewhere in the distance. He shouldn't mind it at all. He and Dean have always been comfortable being quiet around each other. It reminds him of late-night drives on deserted highways with Dean next to him and the windows down or the two of them drinking beers in a freezing cold parking lot in some tiny Midwest town in the middle of nowhere or sparring sessions where neither of them said a word to each other, operating on some other telepathic level that always felt like the purest form of wrestling to him.

But something's been different the last couple months between them. It's been tense, like there was some strange electrical disturbance in the atmosphere around them. Some kind of barrier blocking their usual synchronicity. Maybe Seth always felt it; he just didn't want to accept it. Not when he'd just gotten Dean back, not when everything was finally, finally the way it was supposed to be again.

"You know, I was so fucking scared last year," Seth says eventually, breaking the silence. "I was scared that you'd never forgive me. And I didn't know what I would do. I think I would've done anything — _anything_ to prove how much I wanted you back. And then that was scary too. Feeling so out of control all the time. Your emotions taking everything else over."

"Maybe you would've been better off if I _didn't_ ," Dean says, voice rough.

"You didn't want to be alone back then," Seth says softly. "I don't think you wanna be alone now either."

"You don't know _anything_ , Seth," Dean says, dismissive.

"Well, _tell me_ then. _Please_ ," Seth says, turning to look him in the eyes imploringly.

"It's not that fucking easy," he says, sounding frustrated, but more at himself than anything. "I can't just dress up everything in my fucked-up head in some fancy words and try to explain it to you. I'm not _you_."

"Okay, you're right, maybe I won't understand. Maybe I can't understand any of this. But — it's you, Dean. It's _you_ ," he says, almost desperate now. "And nothing you say to me is gonna make me hate you. Not ever."

Dean laughs an ugly kind of laugh at that. "You still have so much _faith_ in me," he says, almost mockingly. "It would almost be precious if it wasn't so fucking misplaced."

"No one's perfect, man. Most people aren't anywhere close," Seth tells him, gazing at him with soft eyes.

"I wanted to _hurt_ you," Dean says after a moment, then swallows hard, a grimace on his face. "I wanted to hurt you so bad that you'd stop looking at me _like that_. That you'd want to hurt me just as bad. Because maybe I deserved that."

"Jesus Christ, Dean," Seth exhales.

"It just feels like — bad shit's been following me around my whole life," Dean says, voice hollow, eyes far away. "Anyone I gave a shit about, they left, or fucking died, or worse — they got just as fucked up as I was. I just can't — I can't keep living with all of this — inside of me — It's too much —"

Seth just looks at him for a while, wordlessly, before Dean raises his eyes back up to meet his. He brings his hand up to rest gently against Seth's cheek.

"I'm gonna fuck you up too," he says, eyes gone all cold and steely, like there's no light behind them.

Seth just stares at him, transfixed by that look on his face. 

"You should leave, Seth," he says again, but his tone's different this time, final. "Before I make you."

"I'm not gonna fight you, Dean," Seth tells him, sounding completely defeated.

Dean just shoves him away from him, something like disgust in his eyes now. "Because that's _you_ , right? I beat the holy hell out of you and you don't do anything. I spit on you and _Roman_ and The Shield and _you don't do anything_. And I'm the coward? You're so fucking pathetic, Seth. You've always been pathetic. You think love's gonna save me? Well, your love's not worth a damn."

"You don't mean that," Seth says, because it can't be true, he can't accept that. "I know what you're trying to do."

He's trying to keep his voice calm, which only seems to infuriate Dean even more.

"Because you're so fucking smart, right? How can you be so fucking smart and yet so goddamn clueless at the same time —"

Dean gets to his feet then. "We're fucking done," he says, clipped. "Just get out."

Seth follows him, gets as close as he thinks he can, reaches out and curls his fingers around Dean's wrist, keeping him there. "Please, Dean," he says. "Just look at me."

Dean doesn't move at all for a minute, then he slowly flicks his gaze down to Seth's hand on his arm, then slowly back up to his face. His expression changes all at once, and he pulls his arm free before grabbing Seth roughly by the front of his jacket.

"Don't fucking _look_ at me like that," he snarls. Then he pushes him away again.

Seth just looks at him, dazed, breathing hard, like he's been punched.

"I don't fucking _want_ you here, Seth," Dean grits out. "This — me — I don't have an answer for you. I'm not your answer. I'm not your redemption. I'm not anything. Just take your shiny, little title and go your own way. You'll be happy you did. Trust me."

Seth just stares at Dean for a moment or two, and then suddenly, something finally falls into place. 

"You're not a burden, Dean," he murmurs.

Dean just looks back at him, nodding along to something only he can hear, then averts his eyes, takes a sharp breath in.

"The fuck am I then?" he says, voice starting to break. "You don't know what I've been through — what I've done —"

"Well, I want you to tell me. I want you to tell me everything. Or whatever you want to."

"You don't want to fucking know, Seth," he accuses angrily. "You just think you owe me something. Well, you don't. We've both fucked each other over enough, let's just call it even and walk away."

"You think that's what this is?" Seth asks forlornly. "You think all we ever do is hurt each other?"

Dean shrugs, looking utterly hopeless. "All evidence points to yes."

"Well, fuck you too, Dean," Seth says, getting right in Dean's face now, shoving him weakly in the centre his chest. And he's definitely crying now. "Some of the happiest moments of my life were standing next to you in that ring. And you don't get to throw that away because you want to. You don't get to make that decision. You don't get to throw _me_ away."

"Well, tough luck, Seth. _Life_ threw me away a long time ago. And then wrestling almost did too," he says bitterly. "And it's not fair, none of it's fair, but you better deal with it."

"I know — I know it fucking hurts, and I know you had to go through a lot of it all on your own, and maybe I should've called more, maybe I should've made you pick up the goddamn phone — maybe I should've realised that you weren't okay when you came back, but _you_ should have let me in, Dean," he says, hitting him in the chest again, but he doesn’t move away. "None of this had to happen. I would've done anything for you. I'd still do anything for you. Maybe that makes me fucking weak and pathetic. But I'd rather be that than feel nothing instead."

Seth's clutching at the front of Dean's shirt and pleading with him and it feels like Dean's barely holding his own weight up anymore. "Please don't leave me, Dean," he gasps, pressing his face against Dean's chest.

"I can't fucking do this anymore, Seth," he says, sounding utterly wrecked. "It just — it hurts too fucking much. It's too much —"

"I know, it's okay." He lets Dean lean into him, tightly wraps his arms around Dean's shoulders. Seth can feel his body being wracked with sobs, and he just cradles his head against his shoulder, keeping him on his feet.

Dean slowly falls, crumples to his knees and Seth goes with him, just keeps holding on to him.

*

Dean startles awake next to him like he's having a bad dream in the middle of the night.

Seth rolls over to look at him, takes his face in his hands, tells him gently, "Hey, it's okay, I'm right here."

Dean eyes are wide, but he nods slightly in response, and Seth can feel him start to calm down, his breathing gradually slowing and evening out.

Dean rests one of his own hands over Seth's and just watches him, with a vulnerable look in his eyes. And before he can think about it, he leans in and softly presses his mouth to Dean's, surprising both of them. He pulls away a fraction just to meet Dean's gaze, almost to make sure that was okay.

He kind of thinks that he's wanted to do that for a while, he just never let himself consciously acknowledge it.

Dean just looks back at him, unblinking, and he doesn't move away. Then, he closes the distance himself and returns the kiss, just as soft but with a bit more intent in it. 

They break apart again, Dean looking content and like he's about to fall back to sleep, hopefully with better dreams this time. Seth barely brushes his lips against Dean's one last time, murmurs, "Love you." Dean hums in acknowledgment before drifting off again.

*

Seth wakes up with Dean's hand in his hair and warm lips on the back of his neck.

Seth turns around to face him. "Hey," he says, and he can't prevent his lips from curling into a faint smile.

Dean looks different, better than last night. He knows it's still not anywhere close to completely okay for them, though. It's gonna be long and hard and painful. But it's alright. They're in this together now and that's the way they've always liked it.

"Hey," Dean says back, voice gravelly, and he just guides Seth closer to him and Seth lets him kiss him as long as he wants. It kind of feels like he's been dying for this for a long, long time. Like maybe he can finally breathe now. Seth has no idea how this is going to affect anything. Everything's already so complicated between them as it is. But he doesn't want to think about it; not right now. Just wants to feel. Just wants to do what feels right. In his bones, in his heart.

"How long have you known?" Dean asks when they finally pull apart. It feels like he's been up for a while, thinking a lot about this.

"I don't know," Seth replies truthfully. "Long time, I think. What about you?"

"Always," Dean tells him, tugging him back in for another kiss. "Always."

*

Dean takes him for a walk in the desert after breakfast. Seth just follows after him for a while, happy to let Dean lead the way. Dean always feels like he just belongs out here, like it's a part of him and he's a part of it; he can't quite put it into words.

Eventually, he catches up to him as Dean slows down a bit, slips his hand into Dean's. Dean stops completely after another minute or two, just looking out into the distance, into the vast nothingness out there. 

"You okay?" Seth says, pressing his cheek into Dean's shoulder, looking up at his face.

"Yeah," Dean tells him, nodding. "It's just — usually this would be a lot. Being around you. Feeling all these things. It would be too much. Too loud in my head. But now, now it's just — quiet."

"Good," Seth tells him, smiling up at him. "That's good."

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr link](http://dudeambrose.tumblr.com/post/180377705083/quiet-deanseth-angst-hc-making-up-fix-it)


End file.
